My Future... Homeschooling Decisions with a Special Needs Son

We homeschooled until my son was halfway through his 2nd grade year... at which time we opted to place him in a public brick & mortar school. My son has aspergers... meaning he's on the autism spectrum and I was told by a child psychiatrist that if we didn't get him out of the house and into school he wouldn't receive the peer modeling he needed to develop normally... she also said that the stress of managing him was going to make me ill. I knew she was right about the latter, and believed she was right about the former. So.... there he is. That was 1 year ago.

Now we're talking about when to bring him home again and I'm finding it an incredibly hard decision to make. My son is suffering with some depression that doesn't seem to be school related, but it's real. He has told me he's actually happier at school than at home and from everything I've seen and heard, I believe him. So, taking him out of school might not be the right thing to do and yet, I have very real fears about what he might experience as he enters middle school.

He's so different, so unique as we like to call it, and so tender. I don't want him to be bullied, given that his diagnosis generally comes with it patterns of anxiety and depression. Growing up is hard even under the best of circumstances, but my boy hasn't been dealt a fair hand. He is suffering from a disability that to many will come across as just a spacey kid who talks too loud and occasionally flaps his hands or starts monologues about abstract ideas rather than engaging in real conversation.

My son takes to heart everything people tell him and he never forgets. If someone calls him dumb, he'll never let that go. In fact he's still battling bruises from comments made at Sunday school when he was just 6 years old. When he's tired or feeling low, he tells me that he often wonders if "those kids" were right about him. It tears at my heart something horrible.

The other issue with homeschooling my son was that he wouldn't allow me to be his teacher. It got to the point where I couldn't get him to do anything that required him to pick up a pencil. The battles grew so intense and our relationship suffered. Could I endure that again? If I decide I can't, am I being selfish?

This Fall he'll be starting 4th grade. In our school district middle school starts in grade 6... so we have a bit of time. Honestly as a Christian woman I'm a bit ashamed of myself for hanging onto this worry and yet it's there. It's huge. I'm just so concerned about his emotional health and stability. If he only knew how amazing he was. If he could only see himself the way I do. Please say a prayer for us.