It's Mother's Day and I Need an Asprin

Not that one has anything at all to do with the other... well, the motherhood might, but not the holiday. lol

My precious 9 year old son howled, screamed, and cried (unceasingly and at the top of his lungs) for a good 2 hours this afternoon over a homework assignment that he was struggling with. Trust me when I share that we weren't torturing him and everyone (his little sister included) tried to help him with this 1 page writing assignment, but he was so overwhelmed by the task, he couldn't contain the frustration, which eventually turned into a kind of rage. Telling him to put the assignment down didn't work either given his anger wasn't so much that he'd been asked to do this assignment, as it was that he didn't feel like he could.

It's no doubt the Asperger's Syndrome (autism spectrum) rearing it's ugly head again. My son is an awesome kid who deals with a lot of anxiety and gut-wrenching emotion... he's easily overwhelmed by things like homework assignments because some of what he's asked to do doesn't come all that natural to him. By this I don't mean that he has to study harder than another student, I mean he's being asked to process information in a way his brain isn't naturally equipped to do.

For example, he has a great deal of difficulty with inferencing.... which basically means he struggles with communicating to you what he's read... what it meant, how the character's in a story were feeling, what their motives might have been and the like. However... he can read a reference book on Star Wars or parasites (two of his favorite topics), and basically recount word for word what he read. He seems to understand it too... well about as well as any 9 year old would. Then again, he's telling you what the book said in "their words", so maybe he doesn't get as much from the books as I think he is.

Anyway, my head hurts and I'm very tired. I really think my son needs to be on anti-anxiety meds, but can I share that these medications scare me? I don't know what to expect long term, or short term for that matter and I hear stories of children becoming depressed on these meds. I've also heard enough people placing judgment on parents who medicate to make me feel like a giant heel for considering it, but if you only knew the depth of his despair and how often we see it. He wakes up with high anxiety and takes it to bed with him every night. I refuse to believe this is good for his growing body and in fact, anxiety runs in our family. I had it as a kid too and it was paralyzing. As an adult I take an anti-anxiety medication and I function about as close to normal as I think a person can get. Off of the medication I have panic attacks and sleepless nights. So, throw in that lovely piece of family history along with Asperger's diagnosis and my son must really be suffering.

It's been a long afternoon, but I finally convinced my son to put down his assignment. He's quiet and content at the moment, playing his Nintendo DS, looking much like any 9 year old boy would. His homework sits on the dining room table still bearing the scars from having been crumbled up in a ball, but 2/3rd's of the way completed. I'll take whatever I can get. He's in 3rd grade testing at the 7th grade reading level, yet this assignment, which was given to a group of 9 year olds, caused him such despair I'm pretty sure there are burn marks behind his ears where the sparks were flying only 1 hour ago. The assignment? He was asked to form questions (why? what? where? when? and how?) along with answers from chapter 10 of Charlotte's Web, and it nearly caused him to self-combust. Forming his own questions from a chapter of a fictional story is hard work for this child.

Big yawn!! Big stretch and I'll just close by saying, Happy Mother's Day! Whatever your kiddos have thrown at you today, the good, bad and the ugly, give them a great big hug and remember what a blessing you've been given. I had to hug my son a couple dozen times before he decided to stop pushing me away, but he finally calmed down. lol Life isn't perfect, but I'm still going to call it good.