My Son Was Called Stupid

What's worse, the name calling has been happening at church. Last night my son shared that a couple of his classmates at our family church have called him stupid on more than one occasion. My son who is all too aware of how different he is took it to heart. His self-esteem has been battered... and apparently this blow might explain some of the struggles we had last fall.

Month after month after long drawn out month we struggled at home with my inability to teach him much of anything without him acting offended. Whether it was a spelling test and I went to use a vocabulary word in a sentence (simply so he'd know I meant for him to write "too" and not "two") or in my attempt to explore exciting details about ancient Egypt (which he would interpret that mom didn't think he knew what or where Egypt was). My inability to finish a sentence, any sentence, without a frustrated interruption from my son was a huge reason for putting an end to our homeschooling experience. It was exhausting. I attributed it all to a bad attitude at the time... or a pride thing. It made teaching impossible... at least without a fight, which ultimately led me to a point where I no longer wanted to be teacher at all... just a mom.

Despite leaving homeschool behind in the dust, we still have the same struggles during evening homework sessions. Last night, as I tried to help him with his math he cried out that he wasn't stupid and I immediately agreed. "Of course you're not stupid.... why would you think I thought you were stupid?" I asked. I then told him that I was sensing he was struggling with low self-esteem.... that's when he shared that he's been called stupid by kids at church... kids he has a high opinion of. We talked and talked and talked and yet I still don't think he's found any healing.

I'm trying to make this a teaching moment for both of us. I remember a story shared by Lisa Welchel (from Facts of Life fame) who is now a Christian author and speaker, specializing in child discipline, homeschooling, and family related matters. A few years ago she spoke at a local church, sharing a story about hammering a nail into a tree. The illustration she painted was simple... you can pull the nail out, but the hole is still there. My son has a hole in his little heart. It's sad that making a hole can take only a matter of seconds, but filling that hole isn't so easy. Last night I was staring straight into a huge hole made by thoughtless kids out of ignorance. Now, my husband and I have to try and fill it. We both talked to our son for over an hour last night, and he still didn't seem convinced. How horrible! It really makes me angry. Take out the emotional balance scale and weigh the second it took to say "you're stupid" to the hour we invested in building him up and the scale is still holding a boulder in one side and a feather on the other.

The sad thing that hits me at this moment is there are plenty of adults out there doing their own share of hammering. My goal today is to teach others to put their nails away.